Trigger warning: The following is a personal story and contains descriptions of infant loss.
In his mother’s embrace, baby Ollie drew his first and final breath, peacefully passing away that fateful day in 2020.
Corporal Melinda Bridge and her partner never expected to leave the hospital without a baby in their arms.
“There are no words, I felt so numb, I didn’t know what or how to feel,” Corporal Bridge said.
Born in the Northern Territory at 23 weeks and four days, Ollie wasn’t considered viable. A baby born at that age had no reasonable chance of survival, so no attempt was made to resuscitate him.
Corporal Bridge struggles to articulate her healing journey but finds comfort in the eyes of her three-year-old son Oska and seven-month-old daughter Audrey.
During her last two pregnancies, she lived off hopes and dreams, but also battled fear and despair, dreading another tragedy.
“The thing with grief is, it’s like a roller coaster; some days you’re up high and others you’re down real low,” Corporal Bridge said.
She was presented with a bear from Bears of Hope to honour Ollie by RAAF Base Tindal Chaplain Mitchell Herps.
Corporal Bridge said she didn’t consider keeping a lock of Ollie’s hair or getting a cast of his hand. However, a midwife helped preserve Ollie’s footprints, but Corporal Bridge couldn’t find trained support for neonatal loss and bereavement at work.
“Even making the funeral decision was incredibly hard. In hindsight, having a keepsake kit and online resources will help the next bereaved parent,” she said.
“No one knew what to say or what to do. But I’m lucky I had the support I needed – a lot of people don’t.”
Inspired by organisations like Precious Wings and the Lady Bird Foundation, Corporal Bridge and RAAF Base Amberley’s Chaplain Michelle Philp are discussing further ideas to provide personnel capability officers and chaplains with similar bereavement resources to preserve precious memories.
‘Others have gone through similar experiences, and having support within the ADF is invaluable.’
The Maternity Extended Leave Support (MELS) Program is a resource that has been created in Air Force, providing uniformed coordinators around Australia to support parents with pregnancy (including pregnancy loss), maternity and return-to-work support.
“We’re also helping units understand how to support grieving parents, approach returning members, manage their leave and ensure they receive entitled payments,” Chaplain Philp said.
Offering comfort and hope, Chaplain Philp provides support to families who have experienced loss to ensure they don’t leave hospital feeling alone.
“When pregnancies go well, parents don’t always need a visit from me, but during difficult circumstances, I’ve been there for them – it helps parents feel less isolated,” Chaplain Philp said.
Corporal Bridge advocates for open discussion about infant loss, aiming to break the taboo
surrounding bereavement.
“I wasn’t ready to hear the whole ‘you are not alone’ when I first lost Ollie, because I did feel very alone,” Corporal Bridge said.
“But, it’s true. Others have gone through similar experiences, and having support within the ADF is invaluable.
“Every loss, no matter how far along is a loss of dreams and a future.”
Chaplain Philp facilitates the Maternity Support Network group meeting held every second Thursday at RAAF Base Amberley.
“It offers a platform for women to connect with others who understand the challenges of managing a career in Defence while balancing motherhood,” she said.
Chaplain Philp also hosts an annual infant and pregnancy loss memorial service every October where parents can openly express grief.
A Bereaved Mother’s Day morning tea for those who have suffered stillbirth, miscarriage, termination or other losses was held a week before Mother’s Day.
The gathering was a chance to share experiences and challenges.
“When I was pregnant with my second baby I felt out of place on Mother’s Day. Little did I know there’s a separate day for those who have lost,” Corporal Bridge said.
This year the Maternity Support and Working Parents website provides links to pregnancy and infant loss resources with information updated regularly.
