A cancer diagnosis and treatment may impact how you look and how you feel about yourself. These changes, whether physical or emotional, can influence how you feel about sex. Sexuality is a normal and important part of health. For some, sex may be the last thing on their mind, while for others, maintaining their sex life remains a priority.
Here are five common questions people often ask about intimacy and sex after a cancer diagnosis:
How can cancer affect sexuality?
Most people who have had cancer treatment say they experience changes in sexuality and intimacy. For some it’s temporary, while others need to adapt to long-term changes.
Talking about how your sexuality has changed can be difficult. However, the challenges of a cancer diagnosis can also strengthen a relationship, improve how you communicate, and lead to new ways to express sexuality and intimacy.
The most obvious impacts cancer has on sexuality are physical. Treatment for some types of cancer can directly affect how you have sex, your enjoyment of sex or your desire to have sex (your libido).
A cancer diagnosis can also influence how you feel about your body (body image), your emotions and relationships. All of these can change how you feel about sex. The stress of a cancer diagnosis and treatment can affect these things too. Any stress you already had in your life or relationship may become more intense, so finding ways to manage this is important.
Can I have sex during treatment or how soon can I have sex?
This will vary depending on the treatment you have had and the speed of your recovery – both physically and emotionally. Ask your doctor how long you will need to wait before resuming particular sexual practices, such as penetrative intercourse. You may need a minimum waiting period following surgery, to prevent further injury and to reduce the risk of infection.
It’s normal to worry or be nervous about having sex again after cancer treatment. If you feel unwell you may not want to have sex, so don’t feel pressured to do so before you’re ready.
Will I ever enjoy it again?
Most people can have a fulfilling sex life after cancer, but you may need to learn different ways to give and receive sexual pleasure depending on what treatment you’ve had. Like any new skill, this can take time and practice. Some people say that because they try new things, their sex lives end up being better after cancer.
A cancer diagnosis can often put a strain on relationships. Open communication-talking and sharing-becomes more important than ever. A counselor, sex therapist, or psychologist can offer guidance on how to approach tough conversations.
What if I don’t have a partner?
Sexuality is important whether you are single or in a relationship. Ask your treatment team about any concerns you have and when it’s safe to start sexual activity such as masturbation
You may be worried about starting a new sexual relationship with someone after experiencing cancer. It can be difficult to know when to tell them about changes to your body (such as you’ve had a breast removed, a breast reconstruction, need assistance with erections or have a stoma) or explaining any issues you might have with fertility.
Remember to take your time, and only let a new partner know how cancer has changed your body when you feel ready. We have more tips, including suggestions on how to bring the topic up in our booklet Sexuality, Intimacy and Cancer (see page 32), for ways to talk to a potential partner. You can also ask for a referral to a sex therapist if you want to build up your sexual confidence.
Will cancer treatment affect my fertility?
Some cancer treatments can cause temporary or permanent infertility or make it difficult to conceive a baby. If fertility is important to you, talk to your doctor before treatment starts about your risk of infertility and ways to preserve your fertility. It may be possible to store your eggs, sperm or embryos for future use.
When people learn that they may be permanently infertile, they often feel a great sense of loss. If you experience feelings of grief, anger or sadness, it may help to discuss any fertility issues with your partner, as they may also be worried or grieving. It may also help to talk with a counsellor or psychologist.
We also recommend asking your doctor what precautions you should take during treatment to protect your partner and reduce any potential risk of cancer treatment harming an unborn baby. If you or your partner become pregnant during treatment, tell your cancer specialist immediately.
You can find more information on fertility and cancer here.
